Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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