i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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