I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
