Heybabeimwearingurpanties
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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