your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
