Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
