shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
