She is in my trunk
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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