I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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