I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
