i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I currently don't understand fingers.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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