he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
