So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
