He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
