I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So much rum. So many feels.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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