I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
