Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
