I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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