They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
