is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
