Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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