either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
