in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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