after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
