Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
