I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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