she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My vagina is officially offended.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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