Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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