Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
