I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
