yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
