I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
