go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
