so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
