Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
