so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
