see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
