just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm like, not good at living.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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