oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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