whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
