hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
