didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
