I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
