I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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