You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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