I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
