Non-Jews are for practice
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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