eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
