i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
