what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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