Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
