I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
