I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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