The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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