Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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