this beer tastes like vomit already
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
