: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
