she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
