im holly from the hills drunk
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
