Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
